yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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