1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
