Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
