Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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