my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
