I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
