he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
