respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
