I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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