I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
