apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
