Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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