Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
