I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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