Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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