It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
