Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
