So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
