ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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