i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
