Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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