Your dad touched me again.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
