If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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