I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
