I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize