Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
