I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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