Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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