then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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