you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
