We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
