I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize