how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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