sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
