if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
