I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
