Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
