Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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