ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
