I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
