i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
