I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
