I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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