Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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