oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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