discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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