Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
