when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
