i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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