New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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