Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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