Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
