Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
