You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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