I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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