Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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