Swine flu. Run for my life!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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