dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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