Pappa wants mamma naked
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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