why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
People in love make me want to vomit
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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