so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
