Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
