So drunk, too bad you don't want this
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
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i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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