your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
