and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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