How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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