Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
