R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
