you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
