my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
