2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
