I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
