I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
