you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
