I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
