I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize