My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
