This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?