At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer