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• (281): View more from Texas

  3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.

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• (646): View more from New York

  Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?

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• (850): View more from Florida

  He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.

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• (916): View more from California

  I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.

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  These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day

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