I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.