Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How does it feel to date your dad?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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