i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
