Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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