So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
