I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
