so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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