She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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