i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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