plz talk dirty to me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
