Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
