Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
